The Bodyguard
by Ishyko ( and Vyola (

Disclaimer: Anyone who thinks these characters are anyone's but Lucas's is on crack. We merely had a little fun with them. OK... a lot. Quoted lyrics are copyright Trent Reznor and Whitney Houston, L.A. Reid, Babyface, and Daryl Simmons.

The blame -- I mean credit -- goes to Siubhan for the playground and Maya, the Mad Mambolica, for a certain receptionist and artistic *ahem* inspiration.

Everything else, we plead the Fifth.

The first day had been sheer bliss.

No master. No annoying neighbor. No annoying Jedi masters causing the annoying neighbor to shriek in ecstasy. He was all alone for the first time since spring break. Maul slept until 3pm, then woke for a sensible breakfast of Count Chocula and Pete's Wicked Ale. He had then sat around in his 'love my lightsaber' boxers and played Jedi Roadkill until he achieved a flawless victory for the first time ever. In fact it was amazing how easy it was to do when there were no interruptions.

The second day found him out of Count Chocula and breaking into his neighbor's stash of Froot Loops. He'd rummaged through the closets looking for compromising pictures of the padawan. With glee he scoped out the medicine cabinet. Just as he suspected: Tylenol 4 with Prozac, Qui-Gon's 'special' prescription bottle of painkillers ('yeah right,' Maul thought, recalling his recent time under the influence of those innocuous-looking pills), KY- Jelly ('it's Yodalicious -- now in Wookiemint!'), and dental floss.

The third day saw Maul and My Apprentice move lock, stock, and PlayStation into Obi-Wan's apartment. The sheets were cleaner, the air was fresher, and the civilization in the fridge was willing to hand over food to Maul in exchange for certain technological components usually found only on the black market.

He did NOT miss the twit. Even if the sheets did smell like him. That was NOT why he was sleeping in that bed.

Seven days later, Maul was bored out of his horned skull. The afternoon found him eyeing the Jedi brown robe of the padawan and seriously considering putting it on. He had snatched it out of the closet and held it at arm's-length as he tried to catch his reflection. Then, as his confidence grew, he pulled the robe close to his chest, held it up against his shoulders, and checked himself out in the full-length mirror.

Need a hug? My Apprentice sneered from her nest of pillows in the bedroom window seat.

"I was merely wondering if brown clashed with my tattoo. I see it does." He surreptitiously took one last deep inhalation of that familiar intoxicating scent.

It was the fabric softener. Yes. Of course. That was it.


"Fuck!" Maul cried out as he dropped the robe and whirled around towards the voice. The vidphone on the nightstand showed Darth Sidious' frowning countenance.

"Trying out a new look?"


"I could not reach you at your apartment. I tried this number on a whim. Someday I will enjoy hearing you explain to me why I found you here. "

Maul straightened. "Yes, my master."

"As you know I've been opening for young Obi-Wan Kenobi's concert tour. It's been SRO all the way but now something threatens my continued success-"

"An opening act with talent?" Maul muttered softly, careful to keep it below the audio pickup level of the vidphone.

"-it appears someone is stalking your boyfriend."

"He's not-"

"I suggest-- no, I require you to come immediately and put an end to this. You've been trained in stealth, tracking, infiltration, and violent methods of attack. You are the perfect choice."

"For what, my master?"

"The bodyguard, of course. You will guard Obi-Wan Kenobi day and night. You will never be more than a whisper away from him."


"And so help you, Maul -- if you fuck this up for me..." Purple lightning filled the viewscreen.

"I understand," Maul replied quickly. "Bodyguard. Now. Whisper. Yes."

"Excellent, my apprentice. Now here's the tour schedule and our itinerary. Catch up with us as soon as possible."


In the surprisingly plush lobby of the Smuggler's Sanctuary Resort, Maul stood at the security speaker next to the elevator for the penthouse. He pressed the button and waited.

"Yes?" came a strong masculine voice. Qui-Gon, no doubt.

"I'm Darth Bane. I'm here to wipe out the Jedi. All of them."

A slight pause, then, "All right. Come on up."

The elevator doors opened and Maul entered. A few moments later the doors opened into a multi- level suite decorated in Jedi neutrals and chrome. A conversation pit lined with plush leather couches was to the left. A mirrored wet bar to the right. A black-lacquered staircase spiraled up the middle of the room, leading to another level of smugglers' delights.

Qui-Gon was standing on the marble foyer, feet apart, arms crossed, frowning at Maul. Obi-Wan's spiky head peeked up from behind a couch in the conversation pit, a big smile on his face. "Maul! You're here!"

"Why'd you say you were Darth Bane?" Qui-Gon asked suspiciously.

"Checking your security," Maul sneered. "Obviously you'll let anyone up."

"That's why we need you," Palpatine said smoothly, turning from the wet bar and joining them, official robes trailing effectively. "So good of you finally get here, Maul."

"I still don't see why we need him," Qui-Gon muttered.

Palpatine stopped next to the Jedi master. "You're the one who let 'Darth Bane' up."

"I couldn't hear! The speaker is broken."

"Pish tosh."

The three of them moved to where Obi-Wan was sitting.

Palpatine sat himself in the throne-like black leather chair with the high-fanned back. It suited him.

Qui-Gon remained standing and Maul found himself unwilling to sit.

Obi-Wan sank back into the plush cushions of the couch and sighed. "There've been a few threatening letters," he explained. "The usual stuff. Things like 'You sing like a Hutt in heat' and 'go back to the temple where you belong.' But hey, who doesn't get those? Ben-Wa used to get that sort of thing all the time when he was with the Backdoor Bantha Boyz."

"They've appeared every day," Qui-Gon growled. His padawan merely shrugged.

Maul fought the protest that came to his lips. He liked the way Obi-Wan sang. And Ben-Wa was a talentless twit. When he found the person behind these letters he would take great pleasure in plunging his lightsaber through their lungs.

"But that's not why you were called," a new voice said.

All eyes turned to see Mary Sue standing at the top of the spiral staircase. She was clad in a skin-tight sleeveless leather body suit that had one long zipper beginning at her cleavage, winding its way down her front, over a hip, down a leg and finally disappearing into the top of a leather boot. Boots that looked suspiciously like the extra pair missing from Maul's closet.

Mary Sue sauntered down the steps, hips swaying and seated herself next to Obi-Wan. She patted his knee affectionately. "There was the speeder accident. Someone cut the hydrocoils. Luckily Brad-Lang Pittance was driving it that day instead of Obi-Wan. They say he'll be able to leave the bacta tank in a month or so."

Maul grinned.

Obi-Wan smiled at Mary Sue. "That's why my sister's here. She's my driver now. This woman has a way with the road."

"How nice," Maul growled. "What the hell are you doing on tour anyway? I thought the Council still had you on probation for your little 'walk on the dark side'."

Qui-Gon raked his hand through his long flowing hair and coughed. "Well, it appears that the fundraising efforts for the Temple have not gone as well as we had hoped. We thought a more 'popular' appeal might work. Get the young people involved."

"Get the young peoples' money," Mary Sue interjected.

Maul sneered. "So you pimped out your padawan."

"No!" Qui-Gon protested. "It's not like that at all. It's the 'Obi-Wan Night Stand Tour'. You know -- 'Feel the Power of the Force'. 15 planets in 15 days. It's a fundraiser!"

"Temple prostitution is an old tradition," Mary Sue observed.

"Not at the Jedi Temple."

Mary Sue shrugged. "So it's a new tradition although to hear it from the muppet you'd think differently."

Qui-Gon crossed his arms across his chest and frowned ferociously.

Palpatine cleared his throat. "Back to the subject at hand." Sidious glared at Maul. Remember why you're here.

Maul twitched. "Have there been any more incidents?"

Obi-Wan's expressive eyes grew huge and filled with unshed tears. His lower lip trembled. Everyone in the room froze.

Not the lip, Maul thought. Anything but the lip.

"Somebody tried to kill Fluffi-Wan and Cuddles!" Obi-Wan burst out. "If it hadn't been for that waiter thinking the hamster treats were granola snacks-" He broke off with a sob as he recalled the horror of those moments and the thump of the waiter's lifeless body as it hit the carpet. He shuddered, gesturing at the huge 'Hamster-on-the-Go' travel cage atop a nearby credenza. "Cuddles is going to need even more intensive therapy when we get home."

"That's when I called you," Palpatine interrupted.

"Yes, yes." Mary Sue muttered. "It's clear these aren't pranks. Someone is out to kill my brother here. Tonight is one of the biggest concert dates for the 'Obi-Wan Night Stand' tour. We have to pull out all the stops."

She rose to her feet. "Every frustrated, horny teenager from here to Endor is going to be packing into that arena. They want t-shirts. They want posters. They want glow-in-the-dark keychains. They want Obi-Wan Kenobi. And we're here to make sure they go home with him." She paused. "In a manner of speaking."

Mary Sue's leather-clad form turned on Maul. "Your job is to keep him safe offstage and on. He's no good to us dead."

Obi-Wan gasped. "Mary Sue!"

"Oh you know what I mean." She then rounded on Qui-Gon and Palpatine. "You," she said, pointing to the Jedi master. "We have three hours until showtime. Check on the souvenir kiosks. I want those lightsaber lollipops front and center on every counter. And you-"

Palpatine raised his hands. "I know, I know. It'll take me at least two hours to get ready to open. I'm on my way."

"And you two," she said looking at Obi-Wan and Maul. "Into the speeder."


Backstage was chaos. Maul stood behind Obi-Wan, never further away than a whisper, as the padawan signed autographs and posed for pictures for the winners of the "Win a One Night Stand with Obi-Wan" contest. As the giggling Jawas scurried off to their VIP seats in the front row, Obi-Wan led Maul to his dressing room.

"I hope they stocked my Guinness and cashews like I asked," he remarked, opening the door and gesturing for Maul to enter first.

Maul had no sooner stepped inside when he heard the door shut and the lock snick closed. He was spun around and slammed back against the door, trapped between it and Obi-Wan's insistent body. "Have I mentioned how glad I am to see you?" the padawan whispered huskily into his ear before burrowing his face into the side of Maul's neck. "Oh fuck, you smell good."

"It's my fabric softener," Maul stammered, caught off-guard as always by his neighbor's mood swings.

Obi-Wan bit Maul's neck, insinuated his knee between the Sith's legs, and ground his hips into Maul's. "I'm really glad to see you."

Maul kept thinking he should be doing something. There was a task he had been called here to perform.

Ah yes. He should be removing the padawan's shirt. Maul proceeded to do his duty.

When he made the discovery that Obi-Wan had neglected to don underwear that morning, he felt his knees give way and an explosion rock his brain.

Wait a minute. That was a real explosion. Maul and Obi-Wan exchanged a startled glance and looked at the smoking pile of rubble that had formerly been a make-up chair.

Obi-Wan slowly got to his feet, pulling up his pants.

"If you hadn't been here Maul, I would have been in that chair."

Maul felt a little woozy. The stalker was playing for keeps.

A frantic knocking ensued from the other side of the door. "Mr. Kenobi! Are you all right?"

"I'm fine. I'm fine. Just a little accident."

"Twenty minutes 'til showtime!"

Obi-Wan stared regretfully in the vicinity of Maul's belt and sighed. "I guess it'll have to wait until after the show."

Wait. Yeah. Maul felt the need to pummel something now. How dare anyone threaten Obi-Wan. That was his Sith-given right!


/I've got the stuff that you want/
/I've got the thing that you need/
/I've got more than enough/
/To make you drop to your knees/
/'Cause I'm the Queen of the Night/
/The Queen of the Night/
/Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah!/

Palpatine's silver beaded miniskirt flared as he spun, the lights glittering off his chrome breastplate and microphone headpiece. He ended dramatically, arms outstretched, hot pink feather boa dangling from his fingers. The crowd roared its approval for endless minutes.

"Thank you, Nar Shaddaa!" Palpatine bellowed hoarsely. "And remember! A vote for Palpatine-"

"-IS A VOTE FOR ORDER!" the crowd shouted back.

Palpatine drank in the adoration and made a mental note. Maybe there was something to this musical mind control stuff.

With one last toss of the boa over his shoulder, Palpatine spun on his spike heel and strutted off the now-darkened stage. Several people rushed him as he moved backstage.

"Great job, Senator!"

"You've got my vote!"

He walked back to where Obi-Wan Kenobi and Maul stood. "Knock 'em dead, kid. I got them all warmed up for you."

"You always do. Thanks, Dad."

A voice came over the sound system. "And now... without further's time for your OBI-WAN NIGHT STAND!!!"

The opening strains of Ministry's "Stigmata" blasted from the speakers as strobe lights flickered over Obi-Wan's gyrating body. There was a brilliant flash and the lights came up full-

-on a bare-chested padawan wearing low slung black leather pants that hugged every sinew and curve of muscular thighs straddling the microphone stand-

-who then threw back his head, whipped his braid over his shoulder, and let out a soul-wrenching scream.

Maul's jaw dropped open and his horns tingled.

The sea of sentients undulated like one gigantic wave and surged towards the stage.

Coherent thought returned to Maul during the second verse. Did the Council know what their precious padawan was doing?

By the time Obi-Wan moved into his Nine Inch Nails set, Maul was buzzing from the waves of adolescent lust and obsession rolling of the audience and being directed at his neighbor.

/bow down before the one you serve/
/you're going to get what you deserve/
/you know who you are/

If Obi-Wan was recruiting, Maul was ready to sign up. And it was obvious that the audience was too. The next song pulled them back a few notches.

/i gave you my Purity/
/my Purity you stole/
/did you think i wouldn't recognize this compromise/
/am i just too stupid to realize/
/stale incense old sweat and lies lies lies/

This wasn't the Obi-Wan Night Stand Tour. This was the Obi-Wan/ Maul Relationship Tour! Maul felt horribly exposed. Did everyone know who he was singing about?

A taut, expectant hush settled over the audience as a pulsing, throbbing beat signaled the Jedi's finale.

Obi-Wan stood center stage, shoulders slumped, head down, braid clinging damply to sweat-slick chest, hip cocked to the side, both hands wrapped around the microphone, as he shot the crowd a searing glance.

/you let me violate you/

Maul twitched.

/you let me desecrate you/

Maul twitched again.

/you let me penetrate you/

Oh, yesss.

/you let me complicate you/

Tell me something I don't know.

/help me/
/i broke apart my insides /

The audience moaned.

/help me/
/i've got no soul to sell/

The audience shuddered.

/help me/
/the only thing that works for me/
/help me get away from myself/
/i want to fuck you like an animal/

The audience groaned and pushed towards the stage like a tide.

/i want to feel you from the inside/
/i want to fuck you like an animal/

A few lifeforms flung themselves on to the edge of the stage. Maul took a step forward.

/my whole existance is flawed/
/you bring me closer to Go-/

Obi-Wan never finished that line. Something in the audience snapped.

Frenzied fans poured onto the stage, each intent on claiming a piece of their idol. Maul rushed forward as Obi-Wan urgently reached back for him. With Sith reflexes Maul vaulted over the horde, executing three perfect flips before coming down a whisper's distance from Obi-Wan. Deftly he kicked out, his booted foot connecting soundly with someone's jaw.

It was then he noticed that the padawan's leather pants had been reduced to souvenir scraps in a hundred clutches, leaving a naked Obi-Wan at the mercy of the mob's greedy stares and grasping hands. In one fluid motion Maul peeled off his own shirt and slammed it down over the bare Jedi. Scooping him up in his arms, he ruthlessly used the Force to clear a path to the wings and then on to the emergency exit where Mary Sue said she would park the speeder.

She was leaning against the hood, newspaper in hand, when the exit door slammed open and Maul stumbled out with his charge.

"Trouble?" she asked.

"He started a fucking riot."

"I did not! You over-reacted."

Maul tossed him into the backseat. "The penthouse. Now!" he growled and slammed the door after himself.

"Ja wohl," she drawled and clicked her heels together. Mary Sue slid behind the wheel and gunned the engine, roaring out of the back alley into the Nar Shaddaa night.

"Any sign of the stalker?" she asked glancing at them in the rearview mirror.

"He blew up a chair," Maul answered. "The real problem was your brother. He was fucking the audience."

"You're exaggerating. So things got a little crazy. That's show business." Obi-Wan tugged on the t-shirt and looked thoughtfully at his bodyguard. "This smells like you, Maul."

Something in Maul's brain snapped.

As Maul fell upon the scantily clad Jedi, Mary Sue took one last look in the rearview mirror before discreetly raising the privacy barrier.



Maul stirred.

*snick snick*

Maul shifted closer to the heat of Obi-Wan's back.


Odd, thought Maul. Sounds like-

"Dammit," hissed the voice. "What the fuck? Is it outta lighter fluid or what?"


-someone trying to-

"Little shit probably dropped it in the tub again."

*snick snick snick snick snick*

-activate a lightsaber!

"I'm gonna kill that little twerp-"


A warm red glow filled the darkened room. Ben-Wa stood illuminated against Obi-Wan's side of the bed, the padawan's lightsaber in his hand.

"Need some help?" Maul growled menacingly.

Ben-Wa froze, whipped the Jedi's saber at the tattooed head across the bed, and sprinted for the door. The lightsaber changed direction in mid-air, snapped on with a hiss and flew into Obi-Wan's waiting hands.

Sith and Jedi moved fluidly to opposite sides of the room, Maul blocking the bedroom door and Obi-Wan standing in front of the open window.

Ben-Wa was trapped.

Like a womprat in Beggar's Canyon.

Ben-Wa did the only thing he could. He screamed. A girly scream.

The echo had scarcely died away before three figures comically tried to gain entrance into the bedroom.


"What happened?"


Mary Sue, Palpatine, and Qui-Gon jostled each other before tumbling into the room to stare slack-jawed at the startling tableau.

Mary Sue recovered first. "Lights!"

It didn't improve upon illumination.

Maul was naked with the exception of his hard-earned tattoos. With a twist of his wrist a pillow flew to his hands, ensuring that the true extent of his tattoos remained a secret from his leering master. Obi-Wan was clad only in an untattered but rumpled 'Sith Lords Kick Ass' t-shirt. Palpatine gleefully noted that the t-shirt, which usually hung loose on his apprentice's frame, hugged the Padawan's muscled chest and barely skimmed the tops of his pale firm thighs.

"What is the meaning of this?" Palpatine barked.

Ben-Wa straightened from his cringing position and ran over to Qui-Gon. "They were gonna kill me!"

"Surely you must be mistaken," Palpatine soothed. Because Maul knows better than to leave a job half finished.

Qui-Gon wrapped his arms around the trembling former Bantha Boy and glared over his head. "I always knew that tattooed menace to society would snap some day."

"Master!" Obi-Wan shut off his lightsaber and stepped away from the window. "Maul saved my life. Right? Maul?" He took a step towards Maul. "I'm okay," he said carefully. "You can turn off your lightsaber now."

Why is he talking to me like I'm an idiot? Maul thought. He snapped off his lightsaber and tossed it on the bed. In the same motion he force-lifted a top sheet and draped it around his waist, allowing the pillow to drop to the floor.

"I was just-" Ben-Wa began and motioned in Obi-Wan's direction.

Maul immediately stepped between the two of them and the double-ended lightsaber flew to his outstretched hand.

Ben-Wa scurried behind Qui-Gon. "Keep a leash on him, will ya?" he called out.

Mary Sue stalked towards her cowering brother. "So you're the creep behind these attacks on poor Obi-Wan."

"I was getting to that," Maul ground out.

Mary Sue only had eyes for Ben-Wa. "Jealous much?" she taunted.

"I--I--I--" Ben-Wa stuttered. A quick glance around Qui-Gon into Maul's menacing glare cleared up the speech impediment. Ben-Wa found his spine.

"Yes, it was me." Ben-Wa strode out from behind the Jedi master and stared the room down. "I was the mastermind behind all those attacks." He glared at each one of them in turn. "That should have been me on stage! I was the idol of billions of lifeforms. Posters! Tiger Beat! An animated series! All of these were within my grasp!!!!"

Ben-Wa's voice took on a ferocious, guttural tone as he pointed at Obi-Wan. "Until you."


"Yes, you, you stupid little fuck. If it weren't for that freak massacre at Club Getlaidium-"

Maul glanced towards the ceiling and fought the urge to whistle.

"-that cost me my band. My dreams! My ultimate control of the galax- uh-I mean, hordes of crazed teenagers willing to spend their money on my merchandise!"

Palpatine made a mental note to avoid musical mind control when he ruled the galaxy.

Ben-Wa wiped a fleck of foam from his lips. "I was just setting up my comeback when he stole that sweetheart tour that should have been mine."

Qui-Gon glanced towards the ceiling and fought the urge to whistle.

Obi-Wan plaintively cried out," But I asked if you wanted to open for me!"

"Open for you!" Ben-Wa spat hysterically. "I'd rather be a fat, balding, married MOISTURE FARMER on Tatooine than open for you!!"

And somewhere, a certain receptionist to the gods plucked a help wanted ad from a file and stamped 'position filled'.

"You used to be such a loser. I was the favorite son. I was in the Jedi academy. You were the fuck-up druggie car thief! Then like some cosmic joke I flunk out and you get in through some special rehab program! Suddenly it's 'We're so proud of Obi-Wan. Look at what he's overcome. He's turned his life around and made something of himself. Gee Ben-Wa, why can't you be more like your brother?' But I showed them. I SHOWED THEM ALL!!"

Obi-Wan leaned into Maul and whispered. "Oh gosh, I wonder if there's a history of instability in my family?"

Palpatine glanced towards the ceiling and fought the urge to whistle.

Mary Sue, with her back propped against the wall, looked up from inspecting her manicure. "Gee Ben-Wa. Thanks for the Springer moment. But back to the 'assault with intent to kill' charge."

Qui-Gon shook his head sadly. "This is very serious Ben-Wa. It could lead to criminal prosecution."

Maul's lightsaber snapped on with a satisfying hiss.

"Prosecution!" Qui-Gon cried out hastily. "Not persecution!"

Maul glanced at Obi-Wan out of the corner of his eye. The padawan shook his head. Disappointed, Maul deactivated his lightsaber.

Palpatine stepped up to Ben-Wa and placed a paternal arm around his shoulders. "It's only a first offense. Right? It's not like he turned to the dark side." Yet. Although these incidents combined with Ben-Wa's need to lick knives certainly made him an apt candidate for dark side minion, Sidious was forbidden to take a second apprentice and this son didn't seem bright enough to handle the position anyway.

Qui-Gon looked unconvinced. "There needs to be some sort of reparation. He tried to kill my padawan!"

"Perhaps some community service?" Palpatine suggested. "Say...the Agri-Corp on Bandomeer?"

Obi-Wan shrugged. "Sounds okay to me."

Mary Sue grinned. "Me too. I hear Bandomeer sucks."

Maul wondered at the casualty rate among Agri-Corp personnel. He would look into passage to Bandomeer. Perhaps Spring Break.

"Come along then Ben-Wa," Qui-Gon motioned. "The Agri-Corp has a 24-hour recruitment line. We'll have you signed up and on your way by dawn."

"But it'll be lonely!" Ben-Wa wailed.

Qui-Gon patted his shoulder. "Perhaps I can go as far as Dantooine with you."

Obi-Wan twitched and twisted the hem of his t-shirt as his master escorted Ben-Wa from the room. Mary Sue sidled over to him and tugged on his braid to bring his head down to her. "Cheer up, bro," she whispered in his ear. "You've got Maul and I'd take him over that master of yours any day."

Obi-Wan grinned. "Who am I to argue with a big sister?"

Mary Sue smirked and smacked him in the back of the head. "Words to live by. Don't you forget it." She then winked at Maul. "Keep up the good work or you'll answer to me."

With a sashay she spun on her heel, snapped her fingers to Palpatine and walked out of the room. "Let's go Dad."

Palpatine leered at Obi-Wan. Maul stepped in front to block his view. "Hmm, don't do anything I wouldn't do, boys."

"That doesn't leave much," Maul muttered.

"Now, Dad!"

"Coming, dear," Palpatine purred and left the room, shutting the door behind him.

Obi-Wan sat on the bed. "So what now, Maul?"

Maul shrugged. "The identity of your attacker has been discovered."

"True, but the tour's only half over. What if someone else comes after me?"

Maul growled. "And since my task as bodyguard is not complete until the tour is over..."

Obi-Wan smiled and peeled the t-shirt from his body. Maul stared hungrily at the pale lean form. He let the sheet drop from about his waist and dove for the padawan.

Obi-Wan let out a throaty laugh. "We can sleep on the way to Kashyyk."

"Kashyyk. Yes," Maul mumbled and went back to sucking on the tender flesh of Obi-Wan's neck. The meaning of the location finally penetrated his brain. He paused in mid-bite. "Wookies. Kashyyk. Wookies."

"You can handle it, Maul," Obi-Wan whispered and pulled Maul down for a hot wet kiss.

And Maul knew the Jedi was right. After all, he was Maul and he was hot shit.



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Soundtrack of Love:

'Queen of the Night' -- Whitney Houston: "The Bodyguard"

'head like a hole' -- nine inch nails: "Pretty Hate Machine"

'sin' -- nine inch nails: "Pretty Hate Machine"

'closer' -- nine inch nails: "closer"

NIN is the official sponsor of The Obi-Wan/Maul Relationship Tour. Get your fine Obi-Wan/Maul merchandise at the Sith Academy on-line catalog. A vote for Palpatine is a vote for order!

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